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Friday, December 31, 2010

The Story of ME

Another year ends and instead of feeling exuberant, optimistic and anticipatory I feel pessimistic, pathetic, cynical, totally unhappy, stagnated, jealous- Yes put together all the unsavoury words in here that you can think of and then you get the idea of how I feel. So I decided to bare it all. Here's my story then folks- totally uncut, uncensored, real to the core. I won't blame you if you can't read it through. Only one request- Don't ever speak to me on this topic!

People often ask this question: How are you?
Now since I am sick and tired of replying, "I'm fine", which is totally untrue, I decided to tell the truth,which is ever unchanging in my case. 
No I am not fine at all. I am 22 years old, about to become an engineer, studying in one of the "premier" institutions of the world. But, yes there is always that BUT in bold. But, I am still a virgin, I haven't had a girlfriend since puberty, I don't particularly excel in academia or extra curricular activities simply because of  the lack of interest, and there is this constant competition between which one goes faster: my receding hairline or my ever growing waistline. On top of that I am broke. I can hardly loan anymore money from the evergreen bank- my father because I feel truly guilty about not being able to fulfill all the dreams of my parents. After all a bank provides you with the loan only if you do something worth doing with the money and you are able to pay it back along with the interest. It makes all the more worse in my case because its hard earned money by my father. So here I am, lonely in my room, fretting over all the missed opportunities at school where at least I had some tiny amount of standing. 

So what do I do the whole day? 
All I do is watch a few movies, a few episodes of a TV Series, masturbate a few time to a pornographic film and read a few pages of a novel- mind you, having done that all throughout these last five years, the best movies, TV Series, porn and books have become mightily scarce. So these days more often than not I pick up a run of the mill garbage and end up pulling out my pubic hair in disgust! (you see I can't pull off my hair on the head because most of the time I keep my head shaved in order to retain whatever tidbits of hair is left, so that at least on the day of reckoning I get to grow my hair and be presentable).

Now when you realize all this the first question that comes to your mind must be "Why don't you do something about this? Take one problem at a time and work hard over it. Surely you will succeed." Now there's the catch. I am fucking tired of working hard! I worked too hard to clear an exam in 2006, only to land in this situation. Its not that those who failed to clear that exam are faring badly today. Most of them are successful in their endeavours. And if I had chosen a lesser university, with my abilities ,I was sure to prosper. Remember that thing about being the big fish in the small pond rather than the small fish in the big lake.

About that girlfriend situation, it simply can't be remedied. Because all the good ones were already taken when I was busy convincing myself the best of the lot will come running to me when I get a job package of a million rupees. That wet dream did not materialize. Now, its very difficult to change one's nature. So despite understanding the importance of having an intelligent girl in one's life, one always wants the hot one. Today the hot ones are taken long back. And the intelligent ones are busy with their lives which are far more successful than mine. So why the fuck would they choose me! Also I have long since surrendered over the fact that I simply cannot impress a girl! I don't have money, so I can't take her to movies and restaurants. I am a total psychopath, so I don't understand emotions and hence can't help a girl with "emotional support". And I don't have the looks to impress a girl. Only option left is what you used to take when you were a kid. Given a problem, come running to your parents to get it solved and keep on crying until its done.Yes, I am talking about asking the parents to choose a suitable girl for me and get my marriage arranged. There are too many problems with marriage and especially arranged marriage. You can't dump the girl even if you dislike her. What if the sex itself isn't enjoyable? and on and on...the list of problems is immense. Not to mention the fact that right now being unemployed, there is absolutely no chance I can marry!

After reading all this (I doubt anyone can read all this- its more like whining  of an adolescent kid) you will say, "What a frustrated and desperate guy this is!" Don't say it! I already know that and it doesn't alleviate my pain.

Disclaimer: Yes I am a douche bag and an asshole. Beware of me. And NO I am not going to commit suicide and rid the world of a burden.


  1. I liked the 'whining of an adolescent kid'.
    I am also relieved that you are not to 'commit suicide and rid the world of a burden.'

  2. Yes people will like those portions :D

  3. Hmm..i wonder if it was a case of male PMS(Pre 'M'ployment syndrome)!!!