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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Taal's Conversations: Volume II: Part I:

TAAL's marriage is being fixed. Its an arranged marriage (what else did you expect from an IITian?) So one fine day he and his family visits a prospective bride's home. After the usual Suraj Barjatiya's style cliched chit-chat and snacks(where as usual the girl's mother proudly proclaims how good a cook she is and Taal is positively delighted at the abundance of "luchi" (Puri). He instantly digs into the plate and stuffs a handful (more than 20, less than 30) into his mouth), the parents decide that the prospective bride and the groom should have some time to interact with each other, discuss a few things privately. So, the girl (lets call her XXX (No need to exercise your over-enthusiastic imagination over the significance of selection of such a name. It just is)) is asked by her parents to show Taal, the majestic view of the neighbourhood from their roof.

Presently Taal and XXX departs the room.

Part 1:

Scene: Rooftop. Enter Taal and XXX

XXX: (awkward silence)

TAAL: (awkward silence)

XXX: Its a nice view, as you can surely appreciate.

TAAL: (trying to look at the next building. But suddenly the woman living next door comes with a handful of washed clothes and starts to hang them over a railing ( to dry) in the verandah. Taal has to avert his gaze consciously (He can hardly look at married women right in front of his prospective bride)) Yes, It is.

XXX: (notices Taal consciously averting his gaze) So, My father tells me you are a Project Leader at ******* Company

TAAL: Yes. I did my graduation at IIT Kharagpur in Computer Science and Engineering. Then I did my MBA from IIM Bangalore. Its there that I got the job.

(trying to impress) Now that I have just been promoted, I can very well say its a very rewarding job. I get around 3 lakhs per month in hand along with a lot of perks. Its been a good life.

XXX: (really interested now) Wow!

TAAL: (with a satisfied smirk) waisa kuch nahi. bas chalta hai. What about you? what do you do?

XXX: I have just completed my MBA. I haven't joined any job because my father thought it would be better if I had a job in the city where I will be living in after my marriage.

TAAL: Yes. Mumbai is a good place to be. Lots of jobs are readily available. I can sure get you one anytime. By the way, I must congratulate you on your awesome cooking abilities. The Puris were heaven. I am totally stuffed.

XXX: (thinking, must thank Hindustan snacks later) Thank you. So tell me about yourself.

TAAL: Well, I am as you can a see, a free thinking person. I am not at all conservative or orthodox. I am a very friendly type of a guy. Anyone can talk to me about anything. I have this group of friends who talk about nothing all day long

XXX: what do you mean by nothing?

TAAL: Oh, all sorts of rubbish stuff like girls, porn, etc etc. Never mind that. Tell me about yourself. You are quite beautiful. Didn't you have any boyfriends in college?

XXX: Yes of course. I have had two failed relationships. And you?

TAAL: (sounding disappointed) Nah. Never found a suitable beautiful girl.

(now he is coming in form) You see some girls have a beautiful face but not much of a body. Some of the others have nice curves but you can't look at their faces. I was unlucky in this particular aspect.

XXX: (aghast) But in love you should look beyond mere looks

TAAL: But before that you need to be attracted to someone. Without looks how can you be?

XXX: (Unconvinced) Still..(trying to divert the topic) So what characteristics do you expect in your wife?

TAAL: Not much. She should be beautiful. That you are. So no reason to worry. I don't have much of a choice in these matter. I usually end up liking what people like. You see, that is why I sat for both the engineering as well as the medical entrance exams after my plus two. Then I went to IIT as was the norm. There I studied CS which was again the most sought after branch. Then having done nothing throughout engineering, I decided to sit for CAT as many people like me in IIT was doing. I finally ended up in IIM B. So you see I don't have much of a personal preference. In fact whenever I eat out with my friends I end up ordering those dishes that my friends order. Even right now the trousers I a wearing, I bought it because one of my friend bought the exact same thing when we went to shopping together. Now that was a mistake on my part because I should have at least checked whether the size was fit for me, because the crotch region is too tight. (rubbing the crotch)

TAAL: Anyways why did your relationships fail?

XXX: Those were good for nothings guys. They only played guitar, smoked a lot, and every now and then ended up drunk in a bar or a pub. Nobody gave a damn about their careers.

TAAL: (satisfied) Hmm. too bad. I only smoke or drink occasionally that too only when someone offers me one. Do you drink?

XXX: Yes, occasionally.

(a long pause in search of a topic)

So what are your future plans?

TAAL: Haven't planned much ahead except that I want six kids. You see I am an AOE 2.0 B addict. Its really difficult to find people to play an online 4x4 game. For that I need 8 players. Including myself and my wife I need those six kids to play the game. I have even thought of their nicks. My friends lovingly call me Taal. So my kids can easily be named as Taal 2.0, Taal 3.0 and so on. Or would you like them to be Taal 2.0 A, Taal 2.0 B, and so on. You can be Taali.

XXX: (mouth has dropped open. Taking some time to digest it and trying to decipher if he is joking. So she attempts a joke herself) what if one of the kids is a girl?

TAAL: (seriously) Segmentation Fault?

XXX: (trying to recover from the shock and avoid the topic) Do you have a car?

TAAL: No I haven't bought any till date. You see with a family of eight any car won't do. So I have planned to buy an eight seater autorickshaw.

XXX: (shocked) I am not sure if I want to have your kids.

TAAL: They don't need to be my kids, as long as there are six of them.

XXX: (now convinced that the whole things was a joke, though it wasn't) You sure are a funny man.

TAAL: Yeah that I am. I was usually the clown at my hostel. Yeah I remember how it all started. I remember the first day of my life when I watched a panu (porn). I watched it along with a few of my friends, one of whom was Shuddha.The very next day when I woke up, I realized I craved for more. So even before brushing my teeth I rushed off to Shuddha's room and announced, "Chol Shuddha Panu dekhi". Then we used to live in double rooms. Shuddha shared his room with Sumit. In all my excitement I hadn't noticed the pair of polished shoes sitting at the base of the chair. Shuddha being the psycho he is, immediately burst into raucous laughter. Then I realized my folly. It was Sumit's father sitting at the chair. He had come to visit Sumit that very day and here I was announcing, lets watch porn. It was so embarrassing. I left the room in a hurry. Then I thought deeply how to salvage the situation. I came back after a while and said,"Shuddha panur sorir khub kharap re. chol ekbar dekhe ashi"

Well, since then I have been a constant source of entertainment for people around me. You would think It is a very nice personality trait now. wouldn't you?

XXX: (unable to contain the bursts of laughter trying to come out and tries to divert her attention to a murder of cawing crows sitting over a nearby tree in the garden, its branches overlooking the roof. Presently a crow dropping lands on Taal's head. Now she can't control it anymore and bursts out laughing)

TAAL: (feeling too satisfied at humouring the girl to notice mundane things like crow droppings over his head) Yes,mostly there have been some such quite embarrassing incidents. But in hindsight It was all good fun.

XXX: (still laughing) Tell me more

TAAL: (delightedly) There was this one time when we were traveling to Bangalore with my friends in relation to an academic tour organized by the JBNSTS, a scholarship I had won. We were traveling in second class and it was too hot. So I had taken off everything I was wearing except for a pair of shorts. Now, you must know how nuisance the eunuchs are on the South Eastern Railway Lines. I didn't know it then and found it out the hard way. A group of eunuchs came to our compartment demanding money. I am not much for giving out alms just like that. So I decided to simply ignore them and look straight ahead. But the eunuchs on noticing me sitting bare body in shorts only, took an undue amount of fascination for me. They started to kiss me and molest me. They tried to press my nipples. But all I could do was to sit straight-backed and look ahead. It was difficult to ignore them. Fortunately our guide paid them and they left soon, but not before kissing once again on my cheek. I was so relieved to watch their backs. I was like Oh Em Ef Gee!(OMFG)

Wait! this isn't a funny story. Why did I tell that?

XXX: (Her eyes are bulging out in amazement) wow!

TAAL:  Forget it ever happened.

XXX: (in an undertone) highly unlikely. (thinking: its going straight to my FB note)

TAAL: (scratching the top right side of his head with his left hand and suddenly finding out something sticky over the region. He brings down the palm and finds something wet and sticky on his fingers. He brings the fingers close to his nose and tries to smell the stuff. Finding the smell quite disgusting, he realizes what has happened) Where is the bathroom? I need to go to the bathroom immediately

XXX: (noticing all of this, looks disgusted) Yes, let me show you the way

Taal and XXX depart. scene ends

Disclaimer: This piece is as a result of continued demands of people wanting to know more about our favourite real life character. Apologies to Arit for being the hypocritical, shameless and ungrateful friend taking advantage of his magnanimity. (what else do I do with so much time to kill and a dark uncertain future ahead). Comments are welcome but remember that comparisons with previous notes are very unfair because I am not a writer or an author, having zero experience in these matter. This time I am tagging all of those who have commented on the previous posts. Please point out any grammatical or spelling errors if any.

Monday, October 25, 2010

About My Personal RAJNIKANTH

In the leading up to the selection of the All Time XI by the Cricinfo Jurors and Readers, all the eminent personalities of cricket (prolific former players and the know-it-all cricket journalists) have been coming up with different types of World XI so that OUR GOD SACHIN TENDULKAR is excluded from them. Agreed that there are highly specific constraints to these teams but how do you exclude GOD from the universe? Its like giving a long speech on Life, Universe and Everything without once uttering 42. So here is my logic how SACHIN belongs to each of those World XI:

His logic is since Sachin Tendulkar has already been selected into the small group of players from whom Cricinfo is going to select the World XI, and he is just making up a World XI from among those excluded, He can't select Sachin Tendulkar. My logic is “Who the hell are you, mere mortal, to include or exclude Sachin Tendulkar. He can't be included or excluded. He just is. All you are required to do is choose the other ten players”
Hey Loser, If you are not thrilled every minute by Tendulkar bowling, fielding, strolling, swimming, cooking, sleeping or even urinating (leave alone batting) then you are leading a pathetic life and you don't deserve to exist. Crawl away to some corner and die. The world would be relieved without you.
When Sachin plays that backfoot punch through cover, have you heard of anything from anyone's mouth other than “wow”. Yes the mouth hangs open, with the tongue lolling and you wonder if that was more poetic than Shelley or Frost. So how come someone leaves out the LORD of Poets when they say the world was designed by the GOD churning out poetry (composing music) from every pore of his being.
Ok. Ok. Conceded the guy has selected GOD (how can he not), but what the hell does he mean by refer to Bradman above? You can't refer to the innovation skill of GOD by saying "refer to Alva Edison above". Just like you can't include Rajnikanth in the top 10 list of Indian Actors and say "refer to Amitabh Bachchan above". Come on man, the guy IS RAJNIKANTH OF CRICKET.
Yes, I understand this guy's logic behind keeping out Tendulkar though. He is only considering those who finished first. But Sachin tendulkar never began nor did he finish. He and his innings just is, from the Big Bang till bad light at the end of the Universe.
His criterion being the player has to be left handed, Sachin Tendulkar naturally walks into the team. But sadly this guy is either misinformed or doesn't know that Sachin Tendulkar writes left handed as well as wipes his ass after taking a dump with his left hand. All these people should do proper research before selecting any such team. 

My Personal All-Time XI
Sachin Tendulkar,Sachin Tendulkar,Sachin Tendulkar,Sachin Tendulkar,Sachin Tendulkar,Sachin Tendulkar,Adam Gilchrist(Wk),Sachin Tendulkar,Sachin Tendulkar,Sachin Tendulkar,Sachin Tendulkar.Any one dare challenge me? Hmpf!

Coutesy: Cricinfo, Faking News

Taal Conversations: Volume I: Taal on a Job Interview

Characters: HR interviewer, Taal

Taal enters the room

Taal: Good Morning Sir!

HR Interviewer: State your name and roll no. please

Taal: Sir, Taal

    Oh, seet (in an undertone)

Sir, Arit Taal Mondal

    bhak sala (in an undertone)

Sir, Arit Kumar Mondal

Roll No. 06CS1008 General

HR Interviewer: (gives a bamboozled look) Pardon.

Taal: What Sir? (scratching his head in an ungainly manner)

HR Interviewer: Did you say General?

Taal: Yes Sir. Many people think that I am SC because my title is Mondal. But sir I am General

HR Interviewer: Oh. Right. Here in our company we have strict meritocracy. You need not worry about whether you belong to a reserved category or not.

Taal: Good. I want to join your compaani. (HR Interviewer winces at the pronunciation)

HR Interviewer: So, Mr. Mondal what can you tell me about yourself?
Taal: Sir, you have my CV. Everything about me is there in it.

HR Interviewer: (with a sigh) But Tell me something about what kind of person you are.

Taal: I am 5 ft 7 and half inches tall, medium complexion, the power in my lenses are -3 and -3.5.

HR Interviewer: No tell me about yourself. Not your physical features.

Taal: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I am single.

HR Interviewer: (gives a quizzical look) So why are you single?
Taal: Sir, I could not find a suitable gf. Once I found a beautiful girl in a Puja Pandel. She looked like a Barbie Doll. She was standing with her mother. But I could not approach her.

HR Interviewer: (running out of patience now) You are quite good looking and you are a student at IIT. Some girls must have taken an interest over you.
Taal: (with a shy smile) too!! Actually a few girls have proposed me. But they weren't that good looking. So I was forced to ignore them

HR Interviewer: (at the brink of pulling out his hair) So tell me about your strengths and weaknesses.
Taal: (in a monotone) My strengths are I am Intelligent, smart, a smooth talker, confident and I play football very well. My weaknesses are.....wait I don't have any.

HR Interviewer: (frowning) You must have some! Everyone has a weakness.

Taal: hmm. Let's see. Friends tell me I talk rubbish a lot

HR Interviewer: (in an undertone) understatement of the day. And apparently this guy outscored all the others in the written test and technical interview by a mile

Taal: what are u muttering Sir?

HR Interviewer: Never Mind. Tell me about a situation in your life when you displayed leadership skills

Taal: Leadership skills? (scratching his lower abdomen)

HR Interviewer: yes

Taal: Once I was playing gully cricket in my hall. I was the last batsman and I was given run out when we had only two runs to win. Even though we knew I was run out I fought fiercely against the opposite team. My team mates joined me. And I was given not out

HR Interviewer: (in an exasperated voice) How did you make them believe that you weren't out?

Taal: I said we won't play anymore and won't share the price of the ball that was bought the very day. Then I spanked a few of the players in the opposite team.

(distractedly) Yes. I remember spanking Bera and julie

HR Interviewer: (in an undertone) and he is gay

So you were essentially dishonest and then blackmailed your way out (in an outraged voice)

Taal: Sir its only gully cricket. Nobody was hurt. No wait! They only relented when I allowed them to grope my bottom. You see I have the sexiest butt in KGP.

HR Interviewer: (in an incredulous voice) you do realize that kind of behaviour in our company would land you in a money draining sexual harassment suit.

Taal: you must be joking Sir. See how soft my ass is (showing ass to the interviewer)

HR Interviewer: Ok Ok! Please sit down

Now tell me about a time when you got into a difficult position in your life and how you came out of it?

Taal: difficult position...Oh wait! Yes. Once I was traveling with some of my friends from Howrah to Kharagpur. It was 1:00 AM at night. Only long distance express trains were left. We had a general ticket. But the line at the general compartment was huge (HR Interviewer winces). So we decided to board a sleeper compartment. I had a bag with me. I and my friends stood near the door. I kept my bag near the door. As soon as a TT arrived my friends went away from him in different directions. But I just went into the bathroom. But since I was concerned that someone will take away my bag I had to peep through the semi-open bathroom door. All was going fine. However as we neared KGP a TT spotted me. I knew he was going to set a huge fine. I had the money in my wallet. If he asked me to show my wallet I would have no other way but to give him whatever I had. So to distract him I told him I also had a few friends who are traveling without proper tickets like me and I called them on mobile. They did not know what had happened and came to me. So they too were caught (all the while giving a wry smile) They began to argue and plead. In the meantime I took advantage of the distraction of the TT and took out all the money I had in my wallet and put it in my underwear (HR Interviewer is positively entertained by now. He is enjoying it)

HR Interviewer: Then what happened?

Taal: Then what! My friends kept on pleading and arguing. The TT went to fetch the Rail Police. In the meantime KGP arrived. Even before the train stopped we rushed off the compartment crossed the platform and rushed over the train lines to the next platform, then exited through the underground way (HR Interviewer giving a knowing smile now) So I had successfully come out of a difficult position
(in a disappointed tone) though I lost the few extra change in coins I had which fell through my underwear while I had to dash off.

HR Interviewer:  (looking thoroughly satisfied and giving a “you made my day” kind of look) We in our company work in a team. How do you do in a team?

Taal: Sir, I am a team man to the very core. In gully cricket whenever my team bats I take the initiative to bat first and whenever we bowl I make sure I bowl the most overs. Even while fielding I let my teammates field and I take the place of the umpire.

HR Interviewer: (looking at Taal's CV) you have an incredible Academic Record till Plus two level. Why did your results dwindle after that?

Taal: Sir, I took to computer games. And as such I could not perform that well in my examinations.

HR Interviewer: That's a remarkably honest admission. So now that you are leaving academia and joining a job where you would be paid for your work, do you think you will be able to cope with the workload, given your addiction to computer games.

Taal: Sir.....These are all hypothetical situations. Besides even those games do prepare us for the real world you see. Once you become so engrossed in them that you forget that you are in a virtual world. Then you try to survive against all hardships and devise great strategies under stressful environment. (takes a pause)

First give me the job and then you will see if I can perform or not. You see when I was just a good boy in school people wondered if I was impotent or not. But now one look at the floor under the table at my room and everyone's doubts are put to rest. My friends now say that if a girl were to just enter my room she would be fertilized.

HR Interviewer: (sniggering) Did they now? So what do your Mom and Dad say when they come to your room?

Taal: I just put a whole load of newspaper over the area before they arrive and they don't notice.

HR Interviewer: now tell me why do you want to join this company?

Taal: (in a monotonous mugged up voice) Sir you company does consulting. That is what I am interested to do ever since I came to IIT. Its a very interesting job. I live consulting, eat consulting, drink consulting, sleep consulting. Your firm is one of the biggest in the business. You provide very good perks and good package. So I would definitely like to join your company.

Also you said in the ppt that your company has a sex ratio of 40:60

HR Interviewer: So, do you want to ask anything else regarding the job profile or our company in case you get selected?

Taal: Actually yes Sir. Sir why don't you provide compensation for to-and-fro train fare from my home?

HR Interviewer: (baffled look) If you have attended our Pre Placement Talk you must know that We are providing to-and-fro Air Fare. Do you want to travel by train? I am sure that can be accomodated for once you join the company.

Taal: hmmmmmm (scratches his head and belly again) No need. I think I will prefer travelling by air only. But still you should provide for the train fare as well. (HR Interviewer can't contain himself and starts to laugh which he manages to sound like a cough)

HR Interviewer: Thank you. Mr....aah Mr. Mondal. You may leave now.

Taal: Thank you Sir (starts to stand up then sits down again)

Sir do u mind if I sit  for a while. My legs are paining and here there is AC.

HR Interviewer: yeah! Of course! In any case I need a break. (rushes off to tell his colleagues)

(after a while Taal comes out of the room)

His friends ask: dude! Kaisa hua be?

Taal: haan thik hai. Mil jane ka chance hai. Par kya sab HR chutiyaapaaa.

….........................................(BTW he gets the job)

Disclaimer:This is purely a work of fiction. All the stories told here are only partly true. Don't judge Taal from this piece of fiction. He is a great person, a good friend and a sexy man.  If you find any spelling or grammatical error in the dialogues of Taal, they have been deliberately put. Any other mistake, you are welcome to point out.

Monday, October 11, 2010

All and anything about Dadu

All and anything about Dadu (Its obviously all that i know about....even that's like "pebbles in the shores of an ocean of Dadu information"
- a quote later modified by Newton on his way to fame)

1. He never lights a match.because the last time he did something like that the Big Bang happened.

2. There is nothing called "time before Dadu". Time started when he started it.(The physicists would do well to incorporate this fact into the laws..might solve a lot of existing universe mysteries. But then why bother? just ask Dadu)

3. Dadu never got a university degree. He has been dropping out of every major university since times immemorial.Some of those universities like Nalanda, Vikramshila and takshashila have ceased to exist, hence proving the foresight and wisdom of his decision. Some others like Cambridge actually came into existence because tired of the previous institute he left it for good and started a new one(in case of Cambridge, Oxford)

4. some of his immortal quotes include "aaj kal aar temon thanda kothay pore" (implying the fact that the last time the earth's temperature actually dropped by a significant amount was during the last Ice Age)

5. Eons ago his past time was creating and building civilizations and then destroying them in fierce and violent wars and battles involving complex strategies. Now Dadu has settled down into a comfortable rhythm thanks to Microsoft's Age of Empires where he does the same albeit in a virtual world.

6. Some people believe that the conspiracy theory regarding NASA's moon landing in 1969 because of certain discrepancies in the video recording and photo shooting actually arose because the moon landing coincided with Dadu's vacation on the moon(apparently his farts blew the flag and similarly other phenomena which can be explained through his presence on the moon around the time)

7. Some of us believe the theory of evolution of life needs to be revised in lieu of the facts that new species evolves when tired of procreating with the same species over and over again Dadu decides to engage in bestiality.So in other words we are all descendants of him.(For example the common house lizards came into being when he decided to bed a dinosaur. The other dinosaurs frowned upon such abuse. Dadu decided enough was enough. He could not afford dissension amongst his own people. And hence all that drama with the impacting asteroid (Dadu simply took a dump) and all that resulting in the extinction of dinosaurs)

8. It is believed amongst his followers Dadu actually brought about renaissance in the dark ages of Europe by deciding to cross-dress in the then ultra-conservative society. Da Vinci actually painted a cross-dressed Dadu in the form of the famous painting Monalisa.

9. It is said that when the artisans were designing the mighty Sphinx they got into an argument with Dadu, when irritated by the insolence of the common humans Dadu said "Tor Ma". The artisans then got angered and threw whatever the found at hand towards Dadu. Dadu used the sphinx as a shield from the missiles. one of those missiles broke the Sphinx's nose.

10. Disgusted by the recent media bout on titillating mms, sex tapes and celebrity affairs one day Dadu exclaimed "these things are nothing. I have watched Cleopatra make out, Prithwiraj eloping with Samjukta, Lady Godiva riding nude in broad daylight". (He conveniently forgot to say how he was involved in some of the clandestine love affairs as well like how Pandu and Dhritarashtra were his bastard children during the ages of Mahabharata(He was called Vyasdev then), Dara Shikoh was his bastard child with Mumtaz Mahal (Aurangzeb knew that and decided to blackmail Dara Shikoh and hence his defeat at the hands of Aurangzeb during the struggle for succession), etc.)

11. Often people are amazed when they ask the age of Dadu, for he says its 23. What people don't realize is that it is in the logarithm scale with base 10. The actual age of Dadu to the last decimal digit is yet to be determined. The closest one got was Avogrado, and hence the Avogrado number (6.023 x 10^23) came into being!

There are lots of other interesting historical events. You are welcome to contribute.

Disclaimer: No offense was intended towards anyone living or dead. Its just my pathetic attempt at humour

A sample piece of gtalk chat between God and Dadu

A sample piece of conversation between God and Dadu:

sexydadu: Hi! dude! thr?

Calling cooldudegod at 4:20 AM on Sunday

Call with cooldudegod not answered at 4:20 AM on Sunday

cooldudegod: Bol be. wassup?

sexydadu: Dude y did u block me for a billion years? I had 2 chck wid Pidgin 2 find out that u had blocked me out.

cooldudegod: abe chutiya hu asked u to sleep with Rambha? I had dibs on her. u knew that very well

sexydadu: sry dude! I realized it was her very late. Remember that wild night. jyada pi liya tha yar.I came back to ur room for our usual night experiments about gay sex and thought it was u. After we had sex I fell asleep. When u woke me up with ur thunder sex-toy then only I realized what I had done. Dude u didn't even give me a chance to explain! u kicked me off to this damned place-earth.

Promise I will make it up with u tonight! what do u say? The humans have developed a very sexy outfit under the brand name "Victoria's secret". What do u say I wear that tonight?

kuch to bol be!

cooldudegod: alright! alright! but wear a condom dude. the humans have developed some really nasty STDs. u have lived with dem for years. I don't wanna catch one now in the twilight of my career.

sexydadu: don't worry! waise baki sab kaisa chal raha hai?

sent at 4:40 AM on Sunday

sexydadu: dude! whr r u?

sent at 4:45 AM on Sunday

cooldudegod: abe kya yar subah subah hagne bhi nahi dega kya? hagne gaya tha. aur bata.

sexydadu: yahan sab thik hai waise. bas ye Hindu aur Muslim log jyada uchal rahe hai Ayodhya leke.

cooldudegod: what fun dude! bas dekhte raho! unko pata bhi nahi hai that land was the birthplace of the concept of brothel! I opened the first  brothel there and asked that poor guy Ram to run the business. Lekin woh sala straight sex chor ke har tarah ka experiment karne laga. Gay, dominatrix, blowjobs, bukkake, bestiality aur kya kya sab. sala dimag garam ho gaya mera. I spun the wheel of time very fast and changed the yug from Treta to Dwapar.

All that remained of the building was in ruins. then came that man who called himself Sultan. kya naam tha uska. yaad nahi aa raha hai. bol na woh gandu kaun hai??

are who's the one who thought of building a mosque there?

sexydadu: kaun? Babar?

cooldudegod: haan! woh socha it was the remains of a Temple! :D

sexydadu: LOLMAX.  but its unfair dude! That was a nice place. The mosque architecture was awesome and they destroyed it.

cooldudegod: don't talk about shit! I know why u prefer that place! remember I am Omniscient. mujhe pata hai tu chori chupe Noor Jahan se karta tha us masjid ke andhera kinaro me.

sexydadu: sorry! sorry! :P

leave it yar. bakwas bhaat maarna choro. aaj raat ka plans karte hai.

cooldudegod: gotta go. Jesus calling me. Apparently the christians have finally worked out he could not have been
virgin born. gotta give them a new problem to think on. ne idea?

sexydadu: make the Americans bomb Pakistan. Let the Christians fight against Muslims. that should strengthen their belief on Jesus.

cooldudegod: how?

sexydadu: dude have u been taking classes at IIT?  IQ gir gaya be tera. just make zardari have sex with michelle. and make zardari tape it all and send the mms to Barack. The rest would take care of things themselves.

cooldudegod: kya idea sirjee! chal c ya tonight then.

bbye. tk care. don't forget the condom

sexydadu: don't worry! bbye.

cooldudegod is offline.

Disclaimer: if i have hurt anyone's sentiments please forgive me. it was not my intention. Anyways i am already going to hell. so this should fasten up the process.

All are welcome to comment. no comment will be moderated. so u r welcome to abuse me as much as u want.