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Sunday, December 12, 2010

Dedicated to my friends at IIT Kharagpur

Having gone to study at IIT Kharagpur, a very weird place, I have had the fortune to be friends with and grow up with a lot of interesting characters. Here is my final tribute to you guys. Life couldn't have been more bearable without you people....I love you guys (Really! Whatever you might assume the phrase means :P)


Enough has been said about him at:


Enough can never be said about him. To get just a glimpse of the sheer vastness of what he represents visit:


                        Me: Man! Is this easy or what!
                        Julie: Obviously!
                        Me: Dude....This is so difficult
                        Julie: Obviously!
                        Me: Come on People. You won't see anything more amazing than 
                        Julie: Obviously!
                        Me: This is disgusting. It stinks!
                        Julie: Obviously!

                        Me on Julie: One of the regrets of my life is that I have miserably 
                                               failed to amaze you. Everything is so obvious to you.
  • Its a real pity that Arthur Dent never met this guy otherwise he would have understood why its so glaringly obvious that the answer to everything is 42.
  • He has been my neighbour for four could hear him through my walls, exchanging affection with his girlfriend over the phone. Some really inhumane weird sounds come out!
  • He is the possessor of an immense head...........the best compliment to his head was given by none other than the legendary Taal. Once while playing cricket one of the guys accidentally hit Julie's head with the cricket bat. There was a loud sound and everyone rushed to see what happened. People went into a frenzy to get some ice or cold water whatever they could find , unable to determine the extent of the injury. The unperturbed Taal says “Oh Em Gee! Dude how hard your huge head is!” (Ki sokto matha re baba)
  • He likes to wear a Tee-Shirt proclaiming “No Job No Girlfriend No Problem” , after getting a job, a girlfriend and hence the biggest problems.
  • He is immensely attractive to girls............I can't even remember the number of girls asking me who the guy was in my photos.
  • He has a love-hate relationship with Thermal science and engineering...................he can't help but open a random book of thermodynamics lying around even while playing 29. He also got De-registered in the Air-Conditioning course for bunking classes. What happened was that, he was given a warning to attend all subsequent classes, else he would be de-registered. But we couldn't give him the warning because he had gone off to Kolkata to date his girlfriend and wouldn't receive our frantic calls. When the next class arrived duly, he was busy elsewhere making dramatic promises to his betrothed and hence he got de-registered.
  • He is the probably the only guy in the history of IIT to fail in a subject he specifically took as additional. (He took it in order to LEARN the subject)
  • He is a bad cheater especially in a mathematics examination. If its a mathematics examination, he has got to cheat, and inevitably he is caught. The last time he got caught, he was taken to the  examination control room in the special bus the invigilators travel (just like how the condemned is brought to the jail) and then made to grovel and beg and commit unspeakable "xxx" rated acts (just like how prisoners are treated in a jail). Only then he was excused. 
  • He doesn't listen to a song unless its at the very least forty years old. Anything new- he rejects them outright. When he hears a song, he doesn't ask whose it is. He asks in which year it was made. If its the seventies, well and good. If its the sixties, man! can it be any better. If its last month, its plain trash!
  • He rides a cycle which is a legend in itself. He bought the cycle second hand courtesy suggestion of the all knowing "Chap".The result-once while riding the cycle there was a sudden perturbation around its awesome halo, like when the signal doesn't come clearly in a television. Next we see him on all fours upon the road with the parts of the cycle strewn every where, and the wheels still rolling away aimlessly. Since then he had to spend more on the cycle than he had to spend had he bought a new one.
  •  He loves alcohol. But he can't drink because of the single most awesome reason on the planet- he is allergic to alcohol. Every time he drinks, the next morning his palms itch like hell in addition to the splitting headache.
  • And he is a pervert.........I can't elaborate on this anymore in a public forum :P

Suman the Demon:

              Ashim: Did you read the latest article about space-dust?
              Julie: Where? Send me the link.
              Suman: I don't believe in space-dust. Its just a myth
              Ashim and Juile: Man! Where do you live these days? Wanna bet if it 
                                         exists or not?
              Suman: Okay. I bet.

              A quick google search and Suman is proved wrong.

              Suman: You keep your funda to yourself. Let me keep my funda to 

              Dabanggshu (on hearing this episode): Thank our fates that this guy 
                                   doesn't believe in religion. Else he would have been the
                                   fundamentalist declaring Jehad on the general atheist IIT
              Aftereffect on facebook: Ashim declares “Sudipto is the GOD and
                                                          Suman is his PROPHET. Bow before the
  • Nothing or Nobody can convince him anything he doesn't want to believe.  If he believes in something you do too, just put him in an argument you are losing and watch as the aggressors take cover from his missiles of sheer obstinacy. If you say, “See even Wiki says so”, his retort will be, “Give me five minutes and wiki will say whatever I say” (You see, Wikipedia can be edited!)
  • He likes to maintain a very low Centre of gravity while standing by placing his feet as far apart as comfort permits and then stabilizes his frame by letting his hands oscillate like a compound pendulum.
  • He took studies seriously till the third semester. That was the last time, he was found to attend classes sincerely and score eight points. Then he decided, “Enough is enough. The demon's got to watch the most obscure sports, movies and tv series available. Fuck studies”. And once the demon decides something, its impossible for the single input memory to process something else. Hence he remains the only guy to have completed the unwatchable TV-Series "Ghost Whisperer". And still nobody could make him watch the highly watchable "Lord of the Rings".
In short he provides the essence in “obstinate” and “stubborn” with his generic favourite dialogue: “Pull off your pubic hair” (That punch doesn't come out that well in English. In Bengali its “Baal Cher”)


The most likable guy on the planet simply because he never has any opinion on anything at all.
Here is the most famous related incident:
We were playing cricket. And our rule was not to hit above the balcony line of the blocks of our hall to avoid shattering the windows. If one hits above it he is declared out. As usual an argument breaks out once someone hits the ball very close to the balcony line. 
People decide, “Okay this guy is the most honest of the lot. Let's ask him and we will all abide by what he says”.
Us: So what do you say Bera? Where did the ball hit?
Bera: It hit above the line.............or it hit below the line.............or it hit on the 
Me: Dude, that's the entire sample space.

He has an opinion only when he is drunk. The first time he got drunk he came to my room with bloody eyes:

Bera: Man! I did a bottoms up! And see I am not drunk at all!
Me: Yes you are.
Bera: What the fuck makes you think I am? Explain!
Me: Alright! Alright! you are not drunk. Just stop screaming at the top of your
        lungs just to prove a point.

And he loves to matter how many ludicrous those predictions are and how many times he is proven wrong!

While playing 29,
Bera: I predict hearts is the trump and Ashim has the Jack!
Julie: Obviously!

Now since I set the spades as trump and I had the Jack of hearts,

Me: I am gob-smacked! On what basis can you predict that?
Ashim (who is Bera's partner): Fucker doesn't know shit! Since last year he
                                                    hasn't uttered a single correct statement!


Ashim on Laxman of Ramayan: This guy was gay.
Us: WTF! where does this come from?
Ashim: The guy left his wife to live in the wilderness of the forests for fourteen 
            years, practicing celibacy, devoid of any female company except for the 
            wife of his brother Ram. Even his brother Ram knew him to be gay. That
            is why he could leave his beautiful wife with him on his expeditions to the 
            forests. Hence he must have been gay.

  • He is the funny guy, the most serious guy, the most sentimental guy and the tempo guy.
  • He never reads the instructions in the question paper despite repeated failings. Hence when we solve , say, four out of six questions as instructed, he solves all six of them and finds himself out of time. When we solve all multiple choice questions because there is no negative marking as instructed, he marks only those which he is absolutely sure of. When we solve a question by making numerous assumptions as instructed, he is unable to solve it because he doesn't know that fact.
  • While batting he favours his hind side too much and lets most of the deliveries interact with his petite posterior.
  • Born with the disability of having one testicle, he was utterly devastated when he came to IIT and realized guys actually possessed a pair. Actually he also possesses two testicles but one of them never descended and instead of descending, sometimes it pushes up, thereby causing the poor guy occasional pain in the chest, as the testicle pushes against the diaphragm. That is the only time the guy can't attend a class. Otherwise he attends every class, studies regularly and scores in the respectable region of the GPA spectrum.
  • Another physical disability that plagues the poor guy is the absence of body hair.
  • After reading this, he pinged me on gtalk to ask me to mention that he is also dyslexic. He always arranges cards in reverse order and picks up things and drops them in the wrong place.
Man! Pity on him!No doubt the aim in his life in his own words is “Getting Fucked”.


  • The funda guy. There isn't a thing in the world that he doesn't know of. If you could point out such a thing, I am ready to bet a hundred bucks, he will come out of his room a day or two later, having memorized everything wikipedia or the first page of a google search has to say about the topic, and then beat you at your own game. He loves wikipedia so much that he has already decided what to call his child. If its a boy he will be called “wiki”. If its a girl, she is going to be called “wikipe”. The sign outside his room says: “Beware of funda". That's because if you ignore it and get into his trap of being the listener to his never ending funda session, a hour or two later you will be found crawling out of his room in all fours crying and pleading, “Leave me be man! What did I ever do to you to deserve this. Boo-oo-hoo”. And often we have found such people being dragged back by their hair, back into his lair and Dabanggshu saying triumphantly, “Wait! Man. There is more on the related subject. Patek Philippe produces the best skeletal watches....!” 
        In a related incident once Prithvi got a SOS call from Pronoy.
        Pronoy: SAVE ME Dude! Please come to my room and save me from this
        Prithvi: Why? What has happened?
        Pronoy: Dude, I can't tell you that. If I tell you, you are not going to come

        Meanwhile Prithvi could hear a drunk Dabanggshu going on in the
        background, "Fuck man! I have got class. I am going to build a 200,000 $ 
        wardrobe. It will only consist of Saville Row suits. And I am going to wear a 
        Breguet to go with the suits. What do you think? Should I drive a 
        Continental or a Phantom?"
        Needless to say Prithvi leaves Pronoy to his woes. 
  • But he does have this habit of exaggerating things in the heat of the moment. For example, one fine morning he comes knocking at our doors. We open our door to find him claiming, the length of his tool to be 7.5 inches, that too ,double start, right handed cork screwed at a helix angle of 85 degrees and aligned along an axis which has a projection along all three coordinate planes.........So we decided to go back to sleep and away from the living nighmare.


One fine morning, he comes knocking at our door excitedly.....We open the door to find this unfold:
Psycho: Guys, I have found out that Microsoft Word has the symbol for 
Us: Impossible! Where?! Show us!
Psycho: Here! Come with me to my lappy!
He shows us the symbol.
Us: Dude that's the mathematical symbol for “perpendicularity”
Me: Dude. I learned geometry before reaching puberty. “Perpendicularity” came 
       to me before the concept of middle-finger. I guess, the same thing happened 
       to you. Despite that how could you look at a symbol for “perpendicularity” 
       and decide its the symbol for middle-finger?
Psycho: :|

  • He believes in a binary world where everything is represented by these two things: Dick and Pussy
  • He is always horny and has a collection of 1 TB of Pornography. (He is our source).
  • Imagine, the rest of us having a healthy discussion on anything in this world unrelated to anything sexual or erotic (yes, guys are capable of having such a discussion). Now this guy joins in, and a word or two later we are discussing sex.
       Ashim: I got this job at HSBC. Dunno what my job entails....
       Bera: Most Probably you are going to have to analyze data and stuff.....
       Psycho joins in...
       Psycho: Dude you are going to ANALize!!! Man! Ha Ha Ha

       So we decided to play this betting game where the three of us- me, Julie and  
       Dabanggshu would discuss something in front of Psycho. And the one who 
       can utter the maximum number of sentences without being diverted towards 
       anything sexual wins. Its suffice to say that we all lost because Psycho 
       started the discussion with strap-ons and ended only when Julie received a 
       call from his girlfriend, Dabanggshu got a mail from his professor and I 
       decided to watch a kid's movie for the day.

More on these characters and more characters coming up! Keep checking this page for updates!

Disclaimer: Its all a result of the bhaat sessions where we let our imaginations run a bit too wild. I hope no lingering harm is done.


  1. are pagla .. body hair thik acche .. toder jonne weekly waxing kore asi .. so that u guys can feel my soft skin :D

  2. may be change 'ashim' to 'monad' ? :P

  3. he has already been rechristened as "monotesticledon"

  4. Hilarious piece of work . But as an outsider i dont have much to comment on ... But one thing intrigued me.
    A/c to you guys, Ram & Laxman were not only gay but also practiced incest ? Interesting theorem !

  5. why not? the very reason for which Laxman chose to go with Ram in the first place.