That is DISGUSTING

This post is going to be "XXX" rated. And although the tales presented here are only a little bit exaggerated, considering the sentiments of the "changed/matured (whatever they want to call themselves these days" people who were involved in the acts, their names haven't been referred to. My close friends at KGP will of course identify them in a moment, but as for others KEEP GUESSING.

WARNING: Read only if you are an adult and have a very gross sense of humour. Otherwise back off before you form the obvious bad impression about the guys.

CHARACTERS: F1, F2, F3, F4, F5, F6, F7, F8, F9, F10, F11, F12 (F STANDS FOR FRIEND)

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WHEN A FRIEND IS MORE EXCITED ABOUT YOUR LOSS THAN YOU YOURSELF

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Time: 2:00 AM
F1 is at home sleeping in a bed and by happenstance has to share the bed with his father (An extremely hot weather and only one room with Air Conditioner being the reason)
F2 calls F1 on phone. The phone wakes everyone up. F2 is screaming.
F2: Dude, I heard that you have had sex. And you haven't TOLD MEEEEEEEEE????????
F1: I am at home.......sleeping......and its 2 o' clock at night.
F2: FUCK YOU! first tell me did u have or haven't had sex?
F1: Let's talk later......Seriously I am at HOME  now
F2: NO. First answer my question.
F1: (whispers) Alright. yes
F2: fine then. I will call you later. Be ready with all the gory details of how you lost your virginity.
F1: clicks off the phone.
F1's father: Who was that?
F1: (exasperatedly) F2
F1's father: Dear Lord.......
F1: yup. there you go......

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IF THEY ANSWER NOT TO THY CALL WALK ALONE

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A regular gathering of friends.....Suddenly F6 exclaims
F6: I tried an amazing thing last night. Could not do it quite
REST: what?
F6: I tried to suck my own dick!
REST: (facepalm)
(chorus) masochistic pervert fucker
F2: so what? even I tried to do it. I could not touch the tip of the dick with my tongue though. I know a guy in **** block who does it regularly.
REST: (Mutual facepalm)
F1: I don't know about you all. But I need a heavy dosage of lesbian porn right now. (leaves)
F6: (ignores reactions of the people) Yup. Its only the most supple who can do it. All those porn where the guy does it, actually has surgery done to remove the floating ribs in order to be more bendy!!!!
F1 walks away faster from the discussion.

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 A SHOCKING VISUALIZATION

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F3 is regularly verbally ragged in every session of these late night discussions. In college lingo, that is called rape. One fine evening while discussing among friends F1 tries to visualize this rape of F3.
F1: Its as if F3 comes out of his room everyday, finds our group, joins us, turns around, drops his pants, bends and invites us to take turn in gang-raping him. Finally satisfied, when he tries to leave with his bruised arse, we fuck his arsehole with his own dick and as an added measure put his balls inside his arsehole. That is when he cries out, "There is a limit to everything!!" and leaves ultimately. Next day: A repeat of what just happened.
REST: That was an amazingly accurate visualization

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LEAKS AND PLUGS

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F2's morbid fascination with F3's private parts leads him to call on F1 at the dead of the night.
F2: I just had a tremendous idea. When F3 marries, he will try and avoid acquainting us with his wife.
F1: Because we fuck his arsehole so much?
F2: Yes. He will say to his wife, "I can't take you to meet my friends. They fuck me in my arsehole." His wife will say, "Let me see, how they have hurt you". F3 takes off his trousers and his underwear to show his fabulous bottom to his wife. His wife will be flabbergasted to find his dick plugged into his arsehole. F3 will say, "See, they have fucked me so much that my anus has widened beyond the acceptable limits. Now I can't control my bowel movement with such a wide arsehole. In order to plug the leak I had to start using an anal plug. Later I had a better idea. Since my penis also leaks urine, lubricating fluid, and semen I decided to kill to birds with one stone and put my dick inside my arsehole. But it did not solve the problem. The arsehole was too loose for the dick. So I had special two way plugs manufactured for better fitting." His wife will be highly impressed by his ingenuity. She will say, "Wow! you are so smart".
F1: He will also have another advantage with such an arrangement. Whenever he needs to carry a lot of luggage and he can't fit them all in his two hands, he could hang it from the penis and plug the penis back into his arsehole.
F2: He might have to do that all the time, given the his huge ballsack. Extra support will be welcome.
F5: (roaring with laughter) That was an eerily detailed visualization.
F2: What can I say. I was bored.
F1: ..and horny
On hearing the sudden roar of laughter F3 comes out of his room with anticipation.
F3: (with a smile which is ready to transform into laughter) What happened? Tell me why are you all laughing?
F5: We were just discussing you.
F3: (the smile curdles) In that case I would better leave
F3 leaves in a hurry before F5 and F2 can catch him and make him suffer with the story.

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EVERYBODY BLEEDS THE FIRST TIME

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Friday evening.....F4 is very excited because he has finally booked rooms for his girlfriend. And they are going to have sex. Its time F4 lost his virginity.
Monday morning.......F4 returns battered, bruised, bloody.......like he has been through World War II.
REST: Dude, we heard that the girl bleeds during her first time, that too on rarer cases these days. Why is a quarter of your own blood leaking out of your numerous deep wounds?
F4:(with a satisfied smile) I offered her weed. We had sex after we had weed. We were high as fuck. And we were fucking so hard we had no other sensation. I got bruised against the wall, the bed and what not. I didn't even feel the pain.
REST: seriously? you have a small chunk of your feet missing!
F4: (knowingly) happens! (shrugs and gives a glorious exit. The kind maidens talk about)
F2: Fucker just lied through his teeth. I know what he did. He is a pervert of the first order. He is into BDSM. That is why he is bleeding.
F6: (excitedly) Now I know just the thing to gift him on his marriage. A pair of cuffs!
F5: So F4 and his girlfriend are an accident waiting to happen. One fine day the neighbours will come to their house and find them dead from performing some weird sexual act.
.......suddenly F4 joins in again.
F4: Guess what! we even tried Erotic asphyxiation!
REST: (stare at each other in wonder)

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PEOPLE CHANGE

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Freshmen year.........
F1: I have heard that F7 is Mr. Goody two shoes. What do you say F7? could you say a few swear words.
F7: (only smiles like a simpleton)
F1: just say "Penis" or "dick" or "cock"
F7:(innocently) no
A lot of effort and F7 still doesn't utter a single swear word.

Junior year........
F7 comes to F1's room
F7: I have just shared an exclusive rape porn series in the hub
F1: That is some rapid change from the guy who wouldn't utter a single swear word a year back! you just skipped the step of normal sex and graduated to rape!

Senior year.........After returning from a foreign country
F7: That was an awesome two months for me. I groped so many girls. And none of them were even bothered about it.
F1: This guy is fast approaching "Jack the Raper" status

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LOOSE BUNCH

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F3 is gaming with all the concentration in the world. F2 finds him sitting in a crouched position with a bent knee. F2 rushes out and gathers everyone around to see "the spectacle".
F2: Over there! F3 has a ball dangling out of his shorts. He has a loose scrotum.
F3: (still ignoring everybody in the room)
F1: (over analyzing) either he has a long sack or small balls. My bet's on a long sack.
F2: Me too. He probably has a sack so long, he has to wind it around his legs to keep it from dangling dangerously and blocking his forward motion while walking with a back swing of the pendulum.
F3's roommate: (annoyed) All you fuckers get out of here immediately.

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A CASE FOR DOMESTIC ABUSE???

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F8: You know the kind of women I like?
REST: No, we don't want to know.
F8: (ignores them) I would love to have a milking babe. You know, every time I need a cup of tea, I will just squeeze out some milk from her. It will be like possessing a live coffee/tea maker.
F6: (sarcastically) If we ever visit you would you offer us the same tea/coffee
F8: No probs dude. I am not possessive. I am even willing to swing her. You know what? I don't even want to talk to her. I just want here available every time I want her for something. That's it.
F4: what if she cheats on you
F8: No probs. As long as I get sex whenever I am horny.
F1: yeah. you will need to put up some sort of time table. Monday 8:30 to 9:00 PM sex time, Tuesday 7:00 AM Milking time, and likewise
F8: yup! a very good idea!
F6: By the way, I will take you up on your swinging idea. Let's have a deal that once we are married we will swing each other's wives.
F8: fine. done!

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RAJNIKANTHIAN

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F1 and F2 are discussing the Rajnikanthian ejaculation of F3.

F2: F3 needs very tight set of underwear so that even if he gets an erection his penis is locked downwards. Otherwise his crotch will burst out.

F1: Yes, especially since he gets horny every now and then. Say, he becomes so excited that he has an orgasm and ejaculates in his pants. So what happens is, say he is walking through a road. Suddenly he ejaculates. Because of the immense force generated by him ejaculating his pants drop suddenly and a bottomless F3 flies out of his pants.

F2: Oh. Shit! He needs specially designed underwear and trousers as well, one which has zip that goes all the way around his crotch. So that whenever he needs to ejaculate he just opens the zip, ejaculates in the downward direction and flies away to hid destination like a missile. 

F1: Rajnikanthian mode of travel!

REST: New depths achieved!!!!!!

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 WEIRD CHOICES

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F9: You know what? I don't understand this fellatio business. It is so disgusting. I can't even imaging touching something with my tongue where there has been urine not too long ago.
F10: so you won't have a problem if I perform cunnilingus on your wife.
F9: Go ahead! by all means........as long as she doesn't give you a blowjob too
REST: wow!

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BE SENSITIVE

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During one of those discussions, it was suddenly revealed to F3 that F2 is circumcised. Here is the reaction of F3.

F2: (blah...blah......blah) I am circumcised (blah.....blah.......blah)

F3: (winces) come again? You said that you are circumcised. Really?

F2: yup. So what?

F3: How do you bear wearing underwear or any sort of clothing for that matter? Don't you feel a tingling sensation? My glans are so sensitive that whenever I roll back the foreskin it tingles like anything and I laugh out loud

F1,F2,F4,F5,F6,F7: (Jaw drops) 

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SPELL-CHECK PLEASE

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F12: (Day-dreaming) One day I will own one of those. (indicating at a pair GUCCI shoes) 

F3: (laughing hysterically) you will look odd wearing shoes that say JUICY.

F1: Did you just read GUCCI as JUICY?????

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DON'T TAKE IT LITERALLY

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F11 is explaining how hard his life has been!
F11: My folks are perennially angry about me. Every time I go home they screw me in the arse one way or other. Especially my mother
F5: So to quote you, your mother "fucks you in the arse"?
..............There are roars of laughter and banging of the mess table from all corners of the mess. 

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PS: Probably this is the world GRRM wants to live in!

NOTE: All musings and ramblings are just what they are: Musings and Ramblings. They are not intentions or dreams. They are just a result of some very fertile imagination of idle brains. Do not judge them literally. Even though the lesser minds will!