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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Rajnikanth and Rajnikanth get the idea

This is a collection of Rajnikanth jokes doing the rounds in the net these days. This is by no means original, comprehensive or complete. I guess most of the jokes have been recycled from the Chuck Norris jokes.

I will keep on updating this post as soon as I come across a new Rajni joke.

So here it goes:
  1. Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.
  2. When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn't lifting himself up. ...He is pushing the earth down.
  3. There is no such thing as evolution, it's just a list of creatures that Rajini...kanth allowed to live.
  4. Rajinikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
  5. Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
  6. Rajinikanth can judge a book by it's cover.
  7. Rajinikanth can drown a fish.
  8. Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
  9. Rajinikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.
  10. Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.
  11. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants aretoday called giraffes.
  12. Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald's, and got it.
  13. Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
  14. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off.
  15. Rajinikanth can build a snowman....... out of rain.
  16. Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  17. Rajinikanth can make onions cry.
  18. Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  19. Rajinikanth can watch the show 60 minutes in 20 minutes.
  20. Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
  21. Rajinikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.
  22. Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
  23. Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
  24. Rajinikanth can play the violin with a piano.
  25. Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
  26. The only man who ever outsmarted Rajinikanth was Stephen Hawking, and he got what he deserved.
  27. Rajinikanth can talk about Fight Club.
  28. Rajinikanth doesn't breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
  29. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajinikanth lives in Chennai.
  30. Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.
  31. Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
  32. Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there.
  33. Rajinikanth doesn't move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
  34. Rajinikanth knows Victoria's secret.
  35. Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.
  36. Rajinikanth can throw the Thackerays out of Mumbai.
  37. Rajinikanth kills two stones with one bird.
  38. Google won't find Rajinikanth because you don't find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.
  39. Rajinikanth gave the Joker those scars.
  40. Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.
  41. Rajinikanth once warned a young girl to be good "or else". The result? Mother Teresa.
  42. Rajinikant electrocuted Iron Man.
  43. Rajinikanth killed Spiderman using Baygon Anti Bug Spray.
  44. Rajinikanth can make PCs better than the Mac.
  45. Rajinikanth puts the 'laughter' in manslaughter.
  46. Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.
  47. Rajinikanth can handle the truth.
  48. Rajinikanth can speak Braille.
  49. Rajinikanth can dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks.
  50. Rajinikanth can teach an old dog new tricks.
  51. Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
  52. Who do you think taught Voldemort Parseltongue? Rajinikanth did.
  53. Chuck Norris once met Rajinikanth. The result - He was reduced to a joke on the internet.
  54. Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.
  55. Rajinikanth's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd,no one fools Rajanikanth.
  56. Rajinikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  57. The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.
  58. Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
  59. Rajinikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  60. Rajinikanth can run at speed of light around a tree and screw himself.
  61. Rajinikant can lick his elbows.
  62. Rajinikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
  63. Rajinikant does not get frostbite. Rajnikant bites frost.
  64. Rajinikant doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  65. Rajinikant got his drivers license at the age of 16 seconds.
  66. When you say "no one is perfect", Rajinikant takes this as a personal insult.
  67. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  68. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajinikanth was born.
  69. The statement "nobody can cheat death", is a personal insult to Rajnikanth. Rajni cheats and fools death everyday.
  70. When Rajnikanth is asked to kill some one he doesn't know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.
  71. Rajinikant can give pain to Painkillers and headache to Anacin.
  72. Rajinikanth knows what women really want.
  73. Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth.
  74. Rajinikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that's when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.
  75. As a child when Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.
  76. Rajinikanth collects Honey from his private Moon - HoneyMoon.
  77. Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.
  78. Rajinikanth doesn't need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
  79. Rajinikanth's brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhury's.
  80. Rajinikanth doesn't shower. He only takes blood baths.
  81. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rajinikanth.
  82. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Rajinikanth's fist.
  83. Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajinikanth,there is no other way.
  84. Rajinikanth's every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.
  85. Rajinikant doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear.
  86. Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Rajinikant".
  87. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.
  88. Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  89. Rajinikanth is a champion in the game "Hide n' seek", as no one can hide from Rajinikanth.
  90. Rajinikant proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
  91. Rajinikant is a weapon created by God to use on doomsday to end the world.
  92. Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajinikanth is on.
  93. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get awayfrom Rajinikanth.
  94. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Rajinikanth.
  95. Rajinikanth's first job was as a bus conductor. There were no survivors.
  96. Rajinikanth does not style his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
  97. When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world.
  98. Rajinikanth's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  99. You dont google rajnikanth...u rajnikanth google.
  100. Rajnikanth's email is
  101. The world will not end in 2012, Rajnikanth has bought a computer with a 3 year warranty.
  102. Even Ghajni remembers Rajni !!!
  103. The day ROBOT was released, Rajnikanth gave Times of India a rating of 4 stars.
  104. Micheal Jordan to Rajni - I can spin a basketball on my fingers for 2 hrs. Can u? Rajnikanth - Yenna Rascalla, How do u think earth spins?
  105. Rajnikant.. once wrote his Autobiography - The book is today known as The Guiness Book of World Records!
  106. While playing once Rajnikanth said "statue" to a its know as "Statue of Liberty
  107. Rajnikanth to buy Facebook, he will be making one change in it, instead of 'like' he will put 'sooper'
  108. Rajnikanth once rolled a dice and scored a 7.
  109. Rajnikanth runs until the Treadmill gets tired.
  110. Rajnikant got into a fight with Superman. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pant for the rest of his life.
  111. Once Dinosaurs borrowed money from Rajnikanth and refused to pay him back.. That was the last time. After that no one saw Dinosaurs.
  112. Rajni gives permission to Sachin to score those hundreds..
  113. Alfred Noble won RAJNIKANTH award !
  114. Rajnikanth knows who the mother is in How I met Your Mother.
  115. When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on.... he turns the dark off.
  116. Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
  117. Rajnikant’s codes are never reviewed, if he makes an error, that’s an invention.
  118. Rajnikanth can write into A READ ONLY FILE.
  119. Rajnikanth does’t have a Twitter account, Because no one can follow him and he’s already following you.
  120. Bullets dodge Rajnikanth.
  121. If you spell Rajnikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajnikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
  122. Rajnikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  123. The square root of Rajnikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajnikanth, the result is death.
  124. Rajnikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life unless it gets in his way.
  125. Once Rajnikanth sat for JEE. Even he could not clear it
  126. Rajnikanth laughs at you and your silly jokes about him even before you think them up. So don't bother..
  127. One night, while asleep, Rajnikanth was mumbling some random numbrs... Thats how the Log table was invented.
  128. Some actor set benchmarks in cinema, Rajnikanth sets deskmarks.
  129. Practice makes a man more like Rajnikant.
  130. Once a girl lost her virginity...... Rajnikanth got it back!
  131. Rajnikant once entered a hundred metre race. No surprises, he came first. But Einstein died. Because light came second.
  132. Rajni once wrote a cheque, the bank bounced.
  133. Once a 22 wheeler TATA truck crashed with Rajnikanth... Now, its Called Tata Nano!
  134. Titanic crashed because it went in the wrong direction and hit Rajnikanth in his bathtub!
  135. Once when Rajni sneezed in sleep, he caused the Big Bang.
  136. Rajnikant has found a way to commit suicide.
  137. One day Spiderman, Superman, Batman, Krissh, Ironman all went to Rajnikanth! WHY?? It was Teacher's Day.
  138. What is Rajnikanth's fart called? Its called Rajnigandha.
  139. In the year 2008, Rajnikanth lost his wallet... and the world went into recession.
  140. Rajnikanth had died 20 years ago, but death hasn't been able to build up the courage to tell him yet.
  141. Rajnikanth can finish Mario Bros without using the jump button.
  142. Rajnikanth doesn't pay attention - attention pays him.
  143. Rajnikanth stared at the sun for hours... the sun then finally blinked.
  144. Rajnikanth once entered a race... he came first, second and third.
  145. The missing piece of Apple logo was officially eaten by Rajnikanth.
  146. Once Rajnikanth went to Kashmir during his childhood and started playing with the snow and made some small mounds of them... These are now what we call the 'Himalayas'.
  147. For all C and C++ programmers, whenever a program doesn't work, just add this line to the top and see the difference: #include
  148. Rajnikant planted the idea of making a movie called 'Inception' into Christopher Nolan's mind by getting into his dream.
  149. Rajnikanth once designed a few papyrus-weights, we see them around Egypt now!!
  150. Once Rajnikant took support from a pillar. Now it is called the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
  151. The Mariana Trench is NOT a geological fault. Rajni was walking across the Pacific Ocean when his foot slipped in some slime.
  152. why did rajnikant buy an acre of land with 4 wells in each corner?to play carom!!
  153. BREAKING NEWS...!!NASA doesnt exist any more...Rajnikanth purchased all the rockets for DIWALI celebrations..!!
  154. Rajnikanth's dog's kennel has a sign outside saying - dog is ok. Beware of the owner.
  155. Facebook founder Mr. Mark Zukerberg is hospitalized....because Rajnikanth has "poked" him on facebook....!!!
  156. How did Paul the oracle octopus die...He was asked to predict the death of Rajnikanth..!
  157. once rajnikant tickled a kid. .. now that kid is known as Navjot singh sidhu.
  158. Why does rajnikant wear sunglasses? To protect the sun
  159. The last time Rajinikanth celebrated Diwali.. shooting stars filled the sky.. meteors fell on earth and dinosaurs became extinct.. He has stopped celebrating since.
  160. Rajnikanth was supposed to play the lead role in Mission Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the title wouldnt make any sense
  161. Rajnikanth knows which came first, The Chicken or The Egg..
  162. Rajnikanth tried to commit suicide, but failed… even Rajnikanth cannot kill Rajnikanth
  163. There used to be a street named after Rajnikanth, but it was changed because nobody crosses Rajnikanth.
  164. Rajnikanth did his nursery from seven different they are known as the IITs.  
  165. once a guy tried to flirt with rajnikanth's daughter....Now that guy is Bobby DARLING

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and thousands others on the net

Please point out if there are any repetitions for only Rajnikanth can keep track of all the jokes told and to be told.

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